Gutter to Glory

OK here it goes..... I have come to a conclusion that in my short lived adventurous amount of time spent here on Earth.. I have journeyed from gutter to glory. and all before I was 30.. wow.. as I sit and reminisce... reflect.. recollect all the years.........years of searching, seeking, clawing and crawling, underestimated, misread, mishandled, misused, misplaced, neglected, dazed, confused, breathing..... yet choking.... gasping and barely able to move....desiring, longing, needy......not greedy, hurting yet humble, scared, scarred, bruised, used...... Fearful.. yet still faithful.. hopeful, yet.... careful, broken, cracked, weakness's for some, became strengths that were lacked.....surviving, struggling, standing alone.... well i thought...now realizing.. i was never alone.. my God has always been beside me.... carrying me threw my past and into my present.... I am truly thankful and praise God for all and everything I have endured... because now i understand why I had to go through what i have conquered...lost all i had gained fast and through the streets, through hustle ,and obtained through the game... all in vain for worldly fame......and was brought down on my knees.. literally licking up dirt from rock bottom as God reached down and pulled me back up.... completely broke me down and shook the foundations that i stood on so he could build me back up triumphantly and and place me firmly on solid ground... and providing clarity and restoration within my mind so as to utilize the wisdom obtained to continue towards my calling for his purpose... and his glory...........I have finally came to a turning point in my life where i can tell the Devil to "Kick rocks.. and put some dust between us!"..So many times I find my self drawn to just talk openly about myself with complete strangers ...From the prominent to the down right drunk and disorderly... always a different subject however..... forever ending on the same note ...that God is amazing.. and knowing that in some way.... no matter how small.. i have just planted a seed of hope in a strangers life.. and sometimes... i think, wow that was weird????? That... that person would be going through that.. and that i have gone through that.. and that we were here at the same time to testify to the fact that God is a God of restoration and ... a God of Hope...that he knows every pain ... and understands... and that through him All things are possible....(1 Cor 9:22).... Well with that being said.... let me tell you something about me... the whole truth and nothing but the truth.. I hope that by me sharing my testimonies of trial and error .. I can lead some suffering sinner to the kingdom of Christ... share the hope I have found within myself because of Gods unfailing love for me... a love that is just to precious to keep to my self..

Well as you may already know My name is Holly... hello... very nice to meet you.. and I have endured some tragedies in my life that to be honest don't want to keep to myself anymore..... so I'm going to give them away... piece by piece.......

I lived the life of a ghetto star Hood queen, Crystallized dope fiend,
That hard knock life full of broken dreams.....unfair? ya, it seems.
raised on welfare, I always knew my life was unfair.
My mother had a habit, the kind where you slam it, for give me Lord.......
but............ God damn it I couldn't stand it.
i was told to always keep my head to the sky, Forever keep my dreams and ambitions alive.. ..... Always to live each day... as if it was truly my last... Cause I can survive ....or die trying......... incredibly fast.....
Living the life of hate and strife.... I've ventured the wife life... twice... It wasn't nice.... Advice?
The streets will eat you up like locust... So NEVER loose focus.. Cause like a savage? The streets are ferocious.................
It has been a hard life, been a hard walk, However...

I'm still breathing.. where some just cant talk..Came up in the game.. lived that hood life of shame... everybody knows your name... nobody forgets your face... .. trying to stay ahead of the race until my addictions gave chase.............
Running wild and high.. In this life its survive.. or die...
Where the weak get smashed.. and only the strong will last..... or get hustled ... real fast...... but to keep it so real? I screwed up...... I was lit up......Spousal abuse had my mind bound up.... I'd given up.. My heart was mangled... my life.. was tangled... My mind locked up in shangle's....
The tears had soon faded ... but back then they just fell.. . I dropped the ball.. only thing left ?...was to crawl........ Lord caress me.. Bless me I was weak and ready to fall......then.. I threw up my hands and cried.... save me!!!!

Holly Rendon 2005

Well there you have it just a piece of me.... gotta give it away to continue moving forward... Going to break the barriers and the fears of being real, completely and totally. I realized the only thing to fear is fear itself... From what i have witnessed in my short life as it pertains to others ability to grow and progress and move past there failures and fears? Is some individuals are just to scared to be real, raw and uncut....... worried about how others may view them...what a sad way to continue living life.

the only opinion that truly matters, is the opinion one holds of themselves.

I know I am not the only one out here still searching and ready to grow.................
I wont worry about trying to sound as though I'm intellectual and that i have all the answers, the only answers i have are the ones that i have sought for myself.. i do pray that giving a piece of me can relate to someone.. even if only one...... and implant a desire for something much more within themselves.... a craving... a crving for?... more than the life that he or she has lived.....to desire the life awaiting them .. if they are daring enough to venture to the brighter side of life...so god bless you and enjoy this little piece of me