These past few months have been very trial some for me. I have endured some emotional hurdles that were unexpected. i blamed myself for some of the situations at hand. Who else could I blame not man, not god, not the devil. Only myself. For I knew what what transpiring around me. For I have Sound Mind and Free will... However .. I wanted to believe in something so true. .. Don't we all? Want to believe in the impossible.... i can say that i begun to have negative thoughts. I felt attacked from every angle.. Emotionally , Spiritually, Financially, Physically. It was like all of a sudden here i was making this Choice to move forward in my relationship with God... and in the same not wanting to let go of someone I fell very much in love with.....Willing to go to the extremes and endure anything thrown our way and surpass the situations and be triumphed and overcoming... had I listened to that voice in my spirit telling me other wise would I have saved my heart from Pang? Feelings of disbelief, discouragement, sorrow, even anger.... or would I have missed out on this wonderful life lesson achieved. When you love someone you truly and up most surely give a piece of yourself away. a piece you can not give back..... I pray that piece grows and someday flourishes in that individual. and they can pass it on to someone very special. because it was pure and not defiled.
These past few months I have had opportunity after the next brought to my plate and im so hesitant to go aboard. How would all this excel me towards my future goal? Is it ok to let my hair down once in a while, or be ridden with guilt for thoughts of compromise. why is faith so complex?or could that just be me.. I can say as i am imperfect .. even when I bow ... prayers get answered. I was blessed with a brand new laptop which i need for fall semester, I was blessed with money to purchase a new car. I was blessed finances to cover bills, and I was blessed with closure right in front of my very eyes....this very past weeks....All I had given away ... all that I thought I would chop up for a loss. I have been blessed with... and each and every day is new and rewarding.. and who would of thought all i had to do was get on my knees and cry" Jehovah my father only you know the heart I have within. only you precious Lord can heal and remove that which afflicts me. Remove every person and situation I have not the strength to walk away from... If it be of your will bring to light that which is held in darkness and reveal to me that which will hinder me Lord. Protect my family and children , Provide for Us that which I can Not. Only you Lord know my needs, my children's needs and are my supplier. Encase me in your arms and holy spirit fill me with Love and forgiveness .. remove from my heart that which i am unable to do.restore my mind, my spirit.. i love you and forever in all my imperfect ways know that you are Lord of all .. AMEN"