I have purpose

At first I didn't know what i should say.. I was uncertain about sharing my up most personal thoughts.... So I hesitated........... then I thought, man.. i have hesitated all my life. I have never given myself the opportunity to enjoy myself truly. So worried about everyone else and if they were OK.. Having a heart for others is difficult at times,... not all the time. there is reward in giving, reward in sharing. yet in the same if you only give, and don't stop to think about what your receiving it can drain you. I only speak for myself. This past week in my life , I have experienced an event that has completely changed my perception on particular matters. It has also developed a strength within me that I now realize I lacked... we have got to learn to love ourselves...I have got to unconditionally love myself. That is the key ingredient to becoming the individual God has created in us to be. We are not just dust blowing carelessly in the wind.. we have divine purpose..No more asking God why? why this? why that? I realize if I have to question God , then ultimately I am questioning myself. Some where in the mist of this I realized that something's, just didn't make sense. If things don't make sense? It because something is wrong. If something is wrong, common comprehension tells us that something is not right. I honestly believe and know that the Holy spirit is that little voice in our head saying,"don't do that", "hey this is what is REALLY going on," "Leave that woman or man alone." I believe that many mistake that for gut instinct... Is there such a thing? Gut instinct? Or have we been so lost in ourselves and in others that we have come to believe what sounds good as valuable and blind to the fact its not to be true. Somethings that seem to make sense or light of the situation, Doing exactly what God has commanded us not to do. Which is lean on our own understanding , and to stand on his word.....I wont get into a sob story but a real one.....I have always prided myself for the ability to see past the outer shell and into the heart of an individual. Maybe its because i see a little part of me in them .. maybe I can identify it to a hurt or desire I have within my self.. I don't know.. I do know i am still soul searching, and questioning myself. Which may I add is a great start. "A closed mouth don't get fed, Seek and you shall find." Basically meaning for me that if you don't question yourself how will you ever get and answer .. and if you don't risk asking yourself or seeking for the answer,you will never find anything out. Some are still seeking, with blind eyes. Confusion has no place in a healthy mind, you need clarity to move forward and progress in life. For spirit filled individuals we know that confussion is not of god the word clearly states such. (1 Cor. 14:3) And in the same the word also states that those knowing of such and bringing such to ones life will answer accordingly(Gal 5:10) Situations and others can bring confusion into your spotlight.. So you must be wise in the company you keep.

" The only platform someone has in your life in the one you allow them to stand on,Holly Rendon 2009"

Okay,before I get off track.. back to my story.... I recently wanted to believe in something to be true and was completely frazzled to find out other wise. I wont go into detail.. I'll just keep it simple.. ever heard of the saying ALL OF A SUDDEN... well "all of a sudden" touched my life this week and at first I took the situation for its face value and it rocked me. knocked my composure off balance.. Ever had your composure rocked? Makes you feel out of control, angry, emotional, so many emotions. Fortunately emotions/ feelings are not stable they blow like wind. Come and go.. I refuse to live my life like dust just floating on the wind of emotions being tossed here and there, having nothing stable... I had to take the situation and find the root.. and it was not firmly planted. Which tells me that it had no real solid ground. When something is not solid and the foundation is rocked it crumbles. When you have 2 people in a relationship and the foundations get rocked you see the true character of a individual when all subsides. You know who was solid(real) , and who was faulty.... And that does not mean the one that couldn't hold it together the one that was not completely grounded isn't.. to keep it simple ... that is not real... it just means that there not ready. Its not the right time. They are still under contsruction. There is still progress to be made. Age and circumstance does not define the character of a person, or how much they know, how good they sound, how good they make you feel or don't for that matter. The true character is when all is striped away and you get to the ingredients of a person.. its there heart that makes them or breaks them..Actions do most definitely speak louder than words, and truth is a very powerful thing. And it does not mean that they are not worthy of the love you have given, in fact that love was of necessity in there life. It was a seed planted that will some day grow and blossom when the season in there life comes into play. And at that time there recolection of you will come rushing back with emotions uncontainable. I believe that we do reap what we sow. So always plant your harvest wholeheartly even if the caretaker recieving it doesnt know how to contain it. Someday they will come to to realize.........So I went through something this week that rocked me and I am still solid as a rock, a little bruised but not battered. Bruises heal. I have grown and that's the greatness of it all. Loosing someone /somethings have allowed me to find myself. The desire to want more and to not look back , but in the same never forget. Forgive ? YES. Forget never!.. How many of you just want to look at situations in your life and take it for face value? How many of you have recently been rocked?... I wanted to take this opportunity to let you all know that you are only alone in a journey if you choose to be. I leave on this note. Have you ever wanted to scream at the top of your lungs!! But didn't ...thinking someone thought you to be insane. Ever just wanted to say how you really feel? Well welcome to my world. It's just beginning .................................

"The hardest and Healthiest thing one can do for themselves is to be truthful to themselves even if it hurts. holly Rendon 2009"